I want to be
a spectator. Yes, just a spectator. Not even a receptor of 3D movie experience
or a bum on a gallery chair. I wish to be a spectator positioned high above the
realms of experience. I want just visual and auditory spectacle not that one
which penetrates in to your soul, if there is one.
How would it
be to be not a ‘feeling one’. How would it be to be completely insensitive to
the outer world, hmph, even an inner world.poof! Is there anything like that? I
want to look at world, beyond the Brechtian estrangement technique, without
wanting to act or react. Yes, I want to be a robot. But I do not think I would
love to receive some doosh’s command. I better take my own decisions.
But, again, I
don’t want to be affected by the outer world. So I tried to cocoon within my thoughts.
However, I found that those are scarier than anything . After all, I see that I
don’t control them. Is it again coming from the outer world. By the bye, what
is outer and what is inner? Inner or Outer or Inner-Outer or blah blah.
In short, I
just want to be a spectator not a participant in the great human drama.
